She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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