I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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