I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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