On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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