I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
