Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
