But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
