Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
