I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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