BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
