i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
"it" just moved
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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