by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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