Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
