I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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