my mouth tastes like poor choices
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
