Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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