she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
