i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize