I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
