he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
