I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize