Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
