He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
