he puts the penis in happiness.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
