I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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