I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
