He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
