She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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