Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
