I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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