went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
