He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
