my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm both gender and math confused
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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