the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
