things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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