You really coming over, don't trick.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
