What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize