We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
