i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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