I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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