I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think your dad took our porno
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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