Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
