You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
