you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
