you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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