"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i came on her dog
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
