I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
