??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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