I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
