the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
