Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's always time for handjobs
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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