I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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