How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
