also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
