it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
do nipples grow back?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
