your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
