i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
