the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
