i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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