he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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