My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
