can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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