Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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