he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize